---

I was over at Blogspotting today. The latest entry deals with people who believe the Harry Potter books are trying to lead children into hell, what with all the witchcraft and stuff.

Born-Again in Rockford said, “I pray for the innocent children of this world being corrupted by the teachings of Harry Potter’s movies and those like it.” He compared to the Potter following to “sheep being led to slaughter” and added, “I pray your eyes and ears are opened before it is too late.”

Um, yeah. Let's imagine, just for a second, that all of us are idiots. Just total idiots. We're willing to believe everything that anyone tells us. Cigarette smoke is good for you? OK, I'll light up. Masterbation will lead to hairy palms? Fine, no more masterbation. Boys have cooties? I'll stay away from them. Did you buy any of that? No, well you must not be gullible. I'd even go so far as to say that you can think for yourself.

Guess what? Children can think for themselves too if you've brought them up with some modicum of intelligence.

I worry about people who think Harry Potter novels are evil. Just because they are weak-minded and can't distinguish between reality and fantasy, they think the rest of us can't be trusted to make our own choices. Oddly, it seems like it's the freaky uber-religious people who feel that they're morally superior to the rest of us to the point where they need to mandate what's right for everyone.

By the fundie standard, every kid who reads a Harry Potter book is going to grow up, shun religion, and summon the dark forces, which will lead to all sorts of Bad Things. You know how many kids have read a Harry Potter book? 9.3 million copies of the most recent book are in print. Even if not all of them are sold, and let's say half of them are for adults, that's an awful lot of kids who are reading this book. Plus, think of all the kids that read all the previous books. That would mean by the time these kids reach adulthood Christians will be outnumbered by these demon-infected kids. Damn that Harry Potter!

Maybe what the fundies are really worried about is that kids are reading more, developing an imagination and reasoning skills, and their silly fundie notions will seem stupid to more people than normal. Because if you have an imagination and reasoning skills, you have the basic tools to think for yourself and make your own choices and not accept the first idea shoved at you.

I used to play a game I made up when I was little called "Witches Brew." I collected berries and leaves and stuff from the yard and mixed them with water in my sand bucket, and then I was make up spells to cast. I've read The Satanic Bible and several dozen books on witchcraft. I own a couple of tarot decks. That doesn't make me a witch, and it doesn't even make me a bad person. Although, to fundies everywhere, I'm going to hell in a handbasket because I dare not buy into biblical rhetoric. It doesn't matter that I lead a good life, help others, or that I'm a good person. Pray for me all you want, you judgemental fucks -- I have all the clarity and common sense I'll ever need. And I encourage any kids I run into to read -- whether it's Harry Potter, Madeleine L'Engle, or Nancy Drew.

Because reading is fundamental. Imagination should be mandatory. Religion is a choice, not a necessity.

---

I wonder if a statistic I read is even remotely true:

Though not of one mind when it comes to Israel or the Middle East, evangelicals account for about a quarter of American voters, according to a University of Akron survey made after the 2000 election. If galvanized by a vocal leadership opposed to Bush's Mideast policy, large blocs of voters could threaten Bush's 2004 re-election bid.

I realize that the majority of American's consider themselves religious, but for 25% of voters to be evangelicals...well, it just seems a little higher than I would have thought.

The article regarding opposition to George's Middle East Road Map to Peace is interesting. I don't have an in-depth understanding of the whole Israeli/Palestinian thing. I know enough to be able to follow along, but the origins of the conflict and many of the fine points are confusing to me. Plus, I understand that both sides are to blame for things, and I'm fuzzy on who is in the right and who isn't. Maybe there just isn't a right and a wrong, ultimately.

The evangelicals in the article I'm reading are certain. It's all "Israel is good and right and Palestinians are all bad and should go somewhere else." But what I find especially fucked up about these crazy fundies raising money for Israel via their churches and this Adopt a Settler program is that, from the outside, it seems like a perfectly respectable humanitarian effort but it's not. It seems more like fundies trying to bring about some sort of biblical prediction.

Some Israelis don't want the support. They take offense at the theological scenario envisaged by some evangelicals of a final, apocalyptic battle between good and evil in which Jesus returns and Jews either accept him or perish.

[...]

Many evangelicals take literally God's biblical promise to Abraham to give the Jewish people the Holy Land. But many oppose the interpretation of modern Israel's rise as a harbinger of the Second Coming. And some Israelis worry that the so-called Christian Zionists could become an obstacle to peace efforts.

So, what I'm seeing in all of this is not that Christian evangelicals want to help Jews out of a sense of duty or charity or anything like that, it's that they need to support Israel so the Jews can fulfill their destiny of bringing on the apocalypse, which will lead to [according to the fundies] the Second Coming and the destruction of all other religions other than their own because you've either got to accept their god or die. That seems selfish and just plain wrong.

Now I have another reason to dislike the Deeply Religious.

---

I have a tendency to think that people who claim that god spoke to them or god sent them a gift are nothing more than functioning schizophrenics. I'm convinced that the nutjobs over at Bee-alive are the top of the heap of those functioning schizophrenics.

Royal Jelly has been one of the greatest blessings in my life and I can’t wait to share it with you... At a time when I was so tired that I could no longer care for myself or my family, God answered my prayers by leading me to learn more about good nutrition and an amazing substance from the beehive, called Royal Jelly.

[...]

A few years ago, God gave us a new and expanded vision... to financially bless ministries that are spreading His Word throughout the world. God has been so faithful to us... and we are blessed to be able to support His Church. That's why Bee Alive will donate a large portion of the proceeds from your initial order back to the ministry that directed you to us today. So I invite you to explore our website -- experience all the amazing benefits of God's most wondrous substance, Royal Jelly. And while you shop, may you be blessed knowing that you are not only helping your body nutritionally but furthering God's work at the same time!

Now you too can get on god's good side -- just buy some Royal Jelly products! And fundies wonder why people aren't lining up to join their ranks.

---

I'm fascinated by archeology. When the oldest known fossils of modern man are found and dated at 160,000 years old, I pay attention. It's not that I ever wanted to be an archeologist, I just think it's neat.

Plus, it has the added benefit of really pissing off Deeply Religious twats who believe what the Bible tells them in a very literal way.

You know there's just some fucking hick named Cleetus in Georgia lining up his 18 kids, saying, "This here is a lie! The Bible tells us god created the world exactly 2,003 years ago. This carbon dating stuff is the devil's work, I tell ya! None 'o youts are allowed to go to school. That fancy learnin' will just confuse ya! Tallulah Mae, fetch me my slippers, and the rest 'o youts go play near the well!"

Well, that's assuming that Cleetus reads the newspaper. I would fully expect people like that to get all their news from the worship tent newsletter.

---

So, let me get this straight -- the pope is supposed to be the holy trinity concentrated into one being...sort of god on earth, according to the Catholics. So then god is supposed to be an old decrepit man with Parkinsons who has a problem with homosexuals, feminists, and divorced people?

Just checking.

---

Well. That was the most boring three hours ever. The first thing I noticed when the ushers handed me the communion bulletin is the picture of the fish and cup, so I had to add my own special touch to it. And then I altered the bulletin of anyone who would let me. I swear, can't take me anywhere. And then I listened to the groovy organ music, which sounded just like carousel music. I half expected the ring grab mechanism to shoot out of the wall at any second. Come to think of it, that would have bee great during communion. Take a cookie, a sip of wine, and try for the brass ring. Whoever gets the brass ring gets to have a second communion cookie.

So, does anyone really listen to the sermon? I really want to know. I don't know how anyone could continue on with their religious beliefs if they actually listened. These are just a few of the things I heard today:

• You know that whole "peace be with you" thing? Well, the priest was, I think, trying to explain how the whole thing came about and said that jeebus and the disciples were holed up somewhere "for fear of the Jews." That seems to go against the whole "love thy neighbor" thing. If you're going to spread joy and love and all that, wouldn't you think that means all people, not everybody except the Jews [well, and gay people, but I won't get into that again]? The fact that there are religious leaders willing to make exceptions for the people who shouldn't be universally loved and accepted makes me even less willing to give organized religion any credit.
• The priest actually said that parents who don't take their kids to church should just tie a big rock to their necks and throw themselves into a lake. Uh, isn't that condoning suicide? And isn't suicide sort of against the Catholic rules and regulations? Craig actually gave a big snort of laughter when the priest said it and it's all I could do to keep myself from giggling uncontrollably. Only 20% of the entire world population considers themselves to be Christian, and probably less than half are Catholic, and half of them probably don't attend church regularly. That's 95% of the world throwing themselves in a lake, like lemmings. There's going to be a big run on rope and rocks, yo.
• Correct me if I'm wrong but Catholic churches require their members to tithe a certain amount of their salary to them each year, right? So what's the deal with passing the collection plate during services? What makes it even worse is that they do it twice -- once before communion and once afterwards. I guess maybe they figure you feel like you've got the body and blood of jeebus in ya, and you'll be feeling slightly more generous that way. That's just pure unadulterated greed going on -- triple dipping!
• The priest read this silly story about a tree and a little boy, and then went on to say that whenever he's in a store and a little boy is having a tantrum because he wants something and the parent says no, he wants to go up to the boy and call him a "rotten greedy little brat." Now, it's apparent that the priest and I share a disdain for children, but I would never say that in the middle of a mass celebrating first communion for the age group he's talking about. It's a little inappropriate.

As if I didn't have enough to make fun of in church, a woman with a king mullet sat in front of me. And she had leopard spots. I think it was supposed to be frosted, but her hair was so short it just looked polka-dotted. And her "party in the back" portion was all the frosted blonde color. It was hideous.

So was my day.

---

Yeah, so, I have to go to church today. Catholic church, no less.

Craig's neice and nephew are having their first communion today, and since Craig is godfather to the nephew he has to be present. And I'm expected to be there too. Whoever thought up this marital "wherever he goes, I go too" crap must have been smoking crack. It's a gorgeous day and I can think of twenty million things I'd rather be doing then spending even so much as one second in a gloomy church being preached at. OK, let's be honest, even if it was fucking snowing like crazy, thundering, hailing, and in the middle of a monsoon, I still wouldn't want to be inside a church.

I'm sure it will come as no surprise to anyone that I have never been to a first communion before. Is this the ceremony when they are accepted into church, and have officially accepted the whole god and jeebus, women are inherently evil rhetoric? These kids are maybe seven years old -- I hardly think they understand the ramifications of what they're signing on for.

I just hope this whole spiel doesn't last too long -- I'm not good in church. And I can't even take something to keep me occupied [journal, Gameboy, marbles, tiddlywinks], since Craig's family is going to be there and I have to act like a fucking adult who doesn't think organized religion is a total scam.

Not to mention that I have to attend a little celebratory lunch afterwards with Craig's family. That means that I'm going to need to mainline some sort of extra strength headache medication. In addition to the two getting communioned, there's a boy who is three, and three girls ages 11-14. Plus there are two grown women [Craig's mother and the mother of the communion-ees] who can't say a word unless they are shouting in their high pitched, annoying voices. Picture Sharon Osborne without the accent and sense of humor, and way less cool.

Think of me today as I am forced to live in my own special ring of hell. Try to brainwave some good thoughts to me. I'm sure to be thinking of new and exciting ways to kill myself until I'm sprung from the Lunch of the High- Pitched Shriek.

---

There are a few people around me who continually try to convince me that the organized religion is a good thing, and that I would be a better person if I succumbed to accepting that there's a higher power and that higher power is the Christian god/jeebus. I can rattle off a list of a dozen or more reasons why some of the worst things that have happened in history, including the debacles of the current U.S. administration, can be directly traced back to organized religion.

And, while I am certain of the hate mongering associated with organized religion [hello, Fred Phelps and Pat Robertson], does it get any lower than this: the Pope wants to make damn sure those sinning divorced and remarried people don't take communion this Easter. Oh, and don't you dare take communion in a church other than your own. Those damn non-Catholic churches will send you straight to hell.

I forget sometimes that the majority of major religions are all about excluding those who don't belong. Sometimes I forget, and I think 'Well, it might not be so bad.' And then I read something like this:

"However, in cases of outward conduct, which is seriously, clearly and steadfastly contrary to the moral norm, the Church, in her pastoral concern for the good order of the community and out of respect for the sacrament, cannot fail to feel directly involved."

He reiterated Church law that those who "obstinately persist in manifest grave sin" be denied communion.

The Vatican does not permit divorce and teaches that those who remarry after divorce are living in sin unless couples refrain from sex.

"That is what the Vatican is saying for years about the non-admission of public sinners to the Eucharist whether they be divorced or Mafia or people who are notorious criminals," said the Reverend Thomas Reese, editor of America, a Jesuit magazine.

How is it that there are still Catholics in the world? The church links divorced people with killers and criminals, and people just go along with it? How is that a good thing? How is condemning people whose marriages didn't work out and just want to be happy the right thing? How is it OK to say that divorced peole are no better than murderes? Or, for that matter, child molesters?

It's times like these I am so grateful to be sans religious affiliation. To quote Dogma: God’s only real problem with mankind is not idolatry or even unbelief, but the bad stuff that gets carried out in his name — wars, bigotry, televangelism. The big one, though, is the factioning of all the religions. Mankind got it all wrong by taking a good idea and building a belief structure out of it. God prefers "ideas" to "beliefs," because ideas are easier to change.

---

So who remembers the story of the Deeply Religious army chaplain who offered up access to a bath to soldiers stationed in Iraq in the form of a baptism only after they listened to his 1.5 hour sermon?

I'm happy to report that he's under investigation. Llano [the chaplain] has been quoted as saying, "You have to be aggressive to help people find themselves in God."

You just know that he's one of these crazies who subscribes to the "spare the rod, spoil the child" philosophy. Oy vey.

There's some question about what kind of punishment would be appropriate in this situation, but I think I have an idea.

I think we should force him to go through basic training without the opportunity to shower. It obviously isn't the same as desert combat, but it would simulate at least part of the experience -- dirt, fighting, sweat, lack of sleep, etc.

Then, he should be forced to sit through a two hour long lecture on the wonders of worshipping carrots and be forced to pledge his eternal soul to carrots and be baptized in the church of the carrots in a pool of water filled with the dirt and sweat of 100 other people.

Because for those who are dirty and tired and want nothing more than to feel clean for two seconds, being forced to take two hours out of their busy fighting schedule and having the word of jeebus forced down your throat feels just like that.

[link found via Big Pink Cookie.]

---

My friend Ruby and I went to lunch a couple of weeks ago and the talk turned to, as usual, religion. Ruby is way religious. Not in a "I'm going to try to convert you" way, but she prays before meals and won't have sex before she's married [did I mention she's 34?] and goes to church every week. She also curses like a trucker, so I guess it all evens out.

Anyway, we ended up talking about Jehovah's Witnesses. See, even in the midst of two completely convergent opinions on religion, making fun of the Witnesses always brings us together. It was a beautiful moment.

Anyway, she told me something I did not know. I know that there's the whole thing about only having room for X number of people in the Jehovah Witness heaven. What I didn't know is that they all believe that the earth is going to be wiped clean of people and the new heaven will be here on Earth. So when they die, instead of going to the Jehovah Witness heaven, they might be going to it's satellite heaven. And then Ruby told me something that made me spit out my Enchilada Mole.

They ride around picking out the house they're going to live in when they die. Right now some crazy Jehovah's Witness could be salivating over my house, praying with great religious fervor that all of us die immediately so she can enjoy my kitchen and all of my appliance and gadgets when she's dead.

Some things are just too weird to make up.

---

Speaking of the ten commandments, I'm deeply sorry to announce that the Ten Commandments Project has run out of money. I know it comes as a big shock to those of you who were hard at work memorizing so you could get that $10.00.

For those of you unfamiliar with this fabulous organization, they bribe encourage kids to learn the ten commandments. Seriously, a kid reads off his hand memorizes the ten commandments, forges gets his pastor or teacher to sign an affidavit, mails it back to the Ten Commandments Project, and then receives a check for $10 in the mail as a reward for being a good Christian.

Heh. Is it just me, or am I the only one picturing some guy from Newark, NJ sitting in house right now with a stack of affidavits, a bevy of P.O. box numbers, and $75,000 pilfered from TCP? If, by some strange coincidence, the money actually went to kids [rather than some smart conman with a pen], I'd like to run a followup poll to see if any of them can remember the commandments.

I think they underestimate a child's natural greed, don't you?

Think about all the crap you did as a kid for allowance money. I shovelled snow from 60 feet of driveway at least two dozen times each winter just so I would get my measly allowance of $5.00. I cleaned the entire house on a weekly basis, washed the car, took the garbage out, cleaned the pool, ran errands -- all for $5.00 in allowance every week.

As longtime readers know, I've done worse things for money since then.

If someone gave me the opportunity to earn $10 just for memorizing a couple of a lines, hell, yes -- let me at it. Memorizing stuff is easy, and then you forget about it the next day. For anyone who disputes this, I triple dog dare you to tell me how to conjugate a verb in whatever foreign language you took in high school. And then tell me how to diagram this sentence.

This part of the article just cracked me up:

The ministry was born out of disgust after a part-time cook murdered seven workers at three Tennessee restaurants in 1997. Kelley and his wife, Marion, both Presbyterians, saw the crimes as a sign that young people did not understand right from wrong.

They started the project with help from friends, feeling that children who memorized the Ten Commandments perhaps would think about them when tempted to lie, steal or engage in other wrongdoing.

OK, so you've memorized the ten commandments to get your $10.00, but you lack the sense of right and wrong and you lack impulse control. You get really pissed off and decide to kill someone, but at the last minute you remember that god or jeebus [or whoever] says that killing is wrong. Something tells me that the $10 you earned wasn't particularly well spent by the TCP.

It's just a "fun with the religious right" kind of day around here. Hey, maybe little George will fund this fabulous group through his faith-based initiative project. I can't think of a better way to spend taxpayer money.

---

There's a certain faction of people who believe the U.S. judicial system is based on the ten commandments. The issue that brings this up is whether or not a plaque listing the ten commandments should be removed from a courthouse in a nearby town. This has been going on for some time, but the appeal to a ruling that led for the plaque to be covered is being heard in court today. And, many of the people who say the plaque should remain say it should be there because the justice system is based on the ten commandments.

I, being the curious girl that I am, wanted to check. It's been quite a few years since I had to learn the ten commandments, but I could only remember one or two that were actually illegal.

1. You shall not worship any other god but YHWH.
   To my knowledge there aren't any federal laws that make it illegal to worship Buddha or the Goddess or carrots or raisins. Now, who knows what kind of fucked up laws exist in backwater towns throughout the country -- considering it's illegal to for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger than the diameter of his thumb in Jasper, Alabama, it wouldn't surprise me to hear that some podunk town made praying to a different god [or no god at all] illegal. But generally speaking, not illegal.
2. You shall not make a graven image.
   Nope, not illegal. To be honest, I had to look up a definition of just what a "graven image" is. The short and dirty: a material effigy that is worshipped as a god. So yeah, I couldn't find any laws that prohibit making anything at all in order to worship it.
3. You shall not take the name of YHWH in vain.
   True, there are public profanity laws, but none of them make it illegal to yell "God dammit" or "Jumping Jeebus on a Pogo Stick!" in the middle of a crowded street. Of course, if you tattoo something like that on your ass and then flash a busful of nuns, you're probably going straight to jail.
4. You shall not break the Sabbath.
   What day is the Sabbath? I thought it was Sunday, but I was just informed that it used to be Saturday "under the Law of Moses," whatever the hell that means. And, again, it's not illegal to go about your business on Sunday....or Saturday, for that matter.
5. You shall not dishonor your parents.
   If dishonoring or disobeying your parents were illegal I'd be in prison to this very day. So now, not illegal.
6. You shall not murder.
   Finally, a commandment that really is a law. Of course, every religion in the world [with the possible exception of Satanism] works on the assumption that murdering people is bad and unacceptable. And for those of us who are not religious, good old common sense tells us that murdering people is not a good thing to do.
7. You shall not commit adultery
   While I do think cheating spouses should be put to death [or something], it is not illegal to get your groove on with someone other than your spouse.
8. You shall not steal.
   Hey, another commandment that's actually illegal! But, again, the majority of world religions frown on stealing stuff. And there's that whole common sense thing again.
9. You shall not commit perjury.
   As we all know, perjury in a court of law is, indeed, illegal. But that doesn't apply to normal, every day life. We're all free to lie our asses off. For the sake of argument, I'll say that it's half illegal. But, like the other commandments that are laws, most religions don't like liars either.
10. You shall not covet.
    Last time I checked it was not illegal to want things.

So, we're talking, what, 2.5 commandments out of 10 that are actually laws? If the U.S. judicial system is based on the 10 commandments, I think the law is missing a few laws, eh? Or, and this might come as a shock, but maybe all those Deeply Religious freaks are just wrong? I know god or jeebus or someone told them they are right and holy and all that, but I'm not buying it.

The truth of the matter is that a list of the ten commandments has no place on a government building. Simply put, it violates the separation of church and state. I've heard two reasons why the plaque should remain. One is a logical reason and one I could, in theory, support. The other is your typical religious right response about the commandments being the law.

The logical reason is that the plaque has been part of the building since the 1920s, and should be preserved for its historical value, along with the courthouse itself. Now, as I said, in theory I could support this. But not everything that has historical value should be preserved. That same courthouse probably had a sign pointing out a separate entrance for black people at one time -- that's historical too, should that be preserved? Not so much, right?

---

I'm going CD shopping this afternoon, specifically to pick up that Johnny Cash disk of covers. Any other suggestions?

---

Has anyone been watching the show Bullshit that's on Showtime? You know, with Penn and Teller? Last night was the first time I've seen an episode. We have digital cable that has On Demand with it, so we can watch any of the Bullshit shows at any time. I likely would have never watched an episode because I generally don't like Penn and Teller -- I'm just not a big fan of magic tricks. Plus, I find Teller a little bit creepy.

However, Craig was fucking around with the On Demand service and started watching an episode. Considering I had been bitching to him about this smarmy national day of prayer, fasting, and humility, he forced me to watch the particular episode.

And now I fucking love Penn and Teller.

If you haven't see it, Penn and Teller highlight this particular school district in Marietta, Georgia that has instituted the teaching of Creationism as an alternative theory to Evolution. And they've put stickers in all their science books claiming that Evolution is only a theory and not in any way based in actual fact. And all these crazy, deluded people are absolutely convinced that the Bible is a literal thing. Yes, they believe that the world is only 6,000 years old, that the theory of Evolution has no absolute scientific proof to back it up, and the Grand Canyon was carved out by the Big Flood in a day or two.

What is particularly timely to the discussion that's been going on here and elsewhere with regard to the ridiculous day of prayer and fasting and Bush's faith based initiatives program and his assertions that his god has blessed America, is the tidy way in which Penn explains the issue of separation of church and state.

We belong to a club called the USA. As members, we pay dues [called taxes] to support public, government-run schools and those schools are run according to the club handbook -- the U.S. constitution. Now, the constitution says our club steers clear of religion. That's the deal we made. If we pay for it with taxes, it can't have religion in it. That's in the pesky by-laws. So as long as we're all paying, no religion in schools.

Simple, no? Apparently, somewhere along the way, certain people have forgotten this or they're choosing to ignore it.

---

I was once accused of being lazy because I don't really subscribe to a particular religion. The reasoning, I suppose, is that I just haven't gotten off my fat ass to find one that fits.

As much as this is true, that's not the reason. I just think everyone has got it wrong.

See now, it's not that I think I've got it right, either. Here's the thing: organized religion is rigid. It doesn't allow for an individual interpretation. If you're a Christian, you've pretty much got to buy into the whole thing about believing that the Bible is the true word of god and jeebus, right? And you've got to believe in creationism. If you're Buddhist, you really have to believe in the existence of karma and that by doing right in the lifetime you will ascend to a higher level of existence in the next life. If you're Muslim, you believe in the predestined will of Allah and total submission to his will.

Having been raised a Christian [Methodist, to be precise], I really don't buy into the Bible, Creationism, the inherent evil nature of women [ie, original sin], or any of that. Islam is too stringent and again, there's the issue of where women fit in. I do believe in the concept of reincarnation, but I'm not sold on the idea that it's all karma interrelated. Judiasm, Shintoism, Taoism...all not for me.

But yet, I'm not an atheist. I'm not completely sold on the idea that a god does not exist. He/she/it might -- I have no real proof either way. And so I have named myself an agnostic. I'm not alone -- 15% of the world population considers themselves as non-religiously affiliated. I was surprised to learn that Christianity is only 33% of the world and dropping, and Islam is only 20% and dropping. Those currently sans religion are third in line.

Oddly, that statistic makes me feel less lazy.

I was going to think about naming my own religion and making up some icons and stuff, but I think I'm happy with no affiliation.

---

So I just got back from my grandfather's funeral and viewing. It was not as bad as I thought it might be. My grandmother held it together like a champ.

Just a few thoughts...

I don't find church services [of any kind, but especially for funerals] comforting. The pastor at my grandparents' church [they are Methodist] really just sort of concentrating on talking about how god has a plan and how my Pappap was a pilgrim and now he's going home and blah blah blah. And if that comforting my grandmother or my mother or my aunts and uncle, fine. But then he went into this whole story almost comparing my grandfather's death to the death of his childhood pet who got run over in the road.

I wanted to run up there, kick him in the shins, and duct tape his mouth shut. See, a real use for duct tape.

Also, when I'm trapped in a church for a funeral service or a wedding or a christening, I tend to focus on what the church is decorated like. I once read a book by James Morrow called Blameless in Abaddon wherein it said the INRI on crucifixes means "I'm not returning immediately." So when I see it on a crucifix I usually giggle uncontrollably and then move on to other things.

Catholic churches usually have the gruesome statue of Jeebus suffering on the cross hanging at the front of the church, sort of like the grand overseer of all that's going on. One time at a wedding the Jeebus statue was so wretched looking and gross that I was fixated on it. I shared with Craig how funny it would be if the Jeebus was animatronic and halfway through the ceremony would just jerk a hand loose and start pointing at the congregation accusingly. And then Craig got the giggles. What can I say, I get bored easily in church.

Today at my grandparents' church while I was trying to block out the crap coming from the pastor I was sort of checking out the fake stained glass windows. In one the creepy cross Jeebus was depicted, but he was totally buff. Jeebus had a six pack! So then I had to fight the giggles. But I couldn't stop looking at it.

Jeebus, Mr. Universe. Heh.

---

Everyone who knows me knows that I'm anti-organized religion. I loathe even setting foot into churches under normal circumstances. I hate weddings, christenings, funerals -- all because I will likely have to spend time in a church, being preached to.

So when I told people I had visited Notre Dame and Sainte-Chapelle while in Paris, they were slightly puzzled. One of my friends even expressed amazement that I hadn't burst into flames during the trip to Notre Dame since there was a Mass going on at the time.

But the truth of the matter is that I just wanted to see them. I can ignore the religious nature of the buildings and just appreciate the beauty of the Sainte-Chapelle chapel and sun streaming through the stained glass walls and rose window. I can forget about the stupid cartoon made out of the Notre Dame and be amazed at the ornate stonework and icons and the amazing interior architecture and stained glass.

We did not visit Sacre Coeur, although I did get an lovely photo of it from the top floor of the Pompidou Centre.

Oh, and in case you haven't figured it out yet, all of the links in this entry link to photos from my trip. If you want to see more photos, take a look at the entries since yesterday [the entries re: my trip] and click on all the links. More photos to come!

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I would be so pissed off right now if I were Muslim.

There are so many misguided people taking Islam and turning it into something it's not. They claim they are true Muslims, but they kill complete strangers for no good reason. This morning's bombings in the Philippines are likely the handiwork of Muslim extremists [according to the press].

So because of those asshats who feel the need to murder people because they're convinced their way is the only way, Muslims around the world are being profiled in airports, etc., and just generally being discriminated against. I would be ready to declare my own personal jihad -- against extremists.

This is in no way different from crazy extremist Christians -- the Jerry Falwell's and Fred Phelps' of the world. If I were a Christian I'd be completely embarrassed to be associated with those type of bizarro Deeply Religious types.

I don't understand why people just can't be content to believe what they believe in and let the rest of the world do it's own thing. This applies to just about everything. If I want to believe that pigs created the world, and worship jello, and have 12 husbands, and run around my house with a carrot sticking out of my ass, why should anyone care? Why would anyone feel the need to try to convince me I'm wrong? I wouldn't be hurting anyone, except for maybe my own sphincter.

To be perfectly honest, I don't care if Fred Phelps thinks that being gay is evil and wrong. That's his own Freudian hang up. I don't care if Osama bin Laden thinks that all non-Muslims are going to hell in a handbasket because we run eat pork and don't pray three times a day. But leave me out of it. Live your life according to your own beliefs but don't expect me or anyone else to live that way too.

I may be anti-organized religion, but I grew up going to Bible Summer School at a Methodist Church. I know the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Can you imagine if people really lived that way? But, I suppose like everything else, it would be twisted to fit into people's warped version of the truth.

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2004 can't come soon enough.

I wonder if Shifty McMartiallawpants has ever heard of a little thing called separation of church and state. Because now he's threatening to cut federal funding to schools who don't allow people to pray.

See now, personally, I don't care if someone wants to pray in school. If you feel the need to say the rosary before a test or meditate or whatever, I don't care. Just don't expect me to do it, or give you special treatment because of it.

But the problem is that George seems to think that we could all do with a little religion-ing up, and he's just the person to give us our learning. And really, he just means that Christians should be given the right to pray. If you're Muslim, or Wiccan, or Jewish -- forget it. Take your hocus pocus and practice that shit at home.

With all the other rights he's trying to take away from us, I'm more than a little suspicious of this latest crap. What begins as George's attempts to ensure the rights of the religious will end up being a hammer to ensure those who aren't religious have no rights. It might take the form of prayers at school assemblies, with detention going to those who refuse to partake. It might take the form of classes in religion being mandatory. Who knows.

I hope I'm just being overly critical and a little crazy, but I kind of doubt it.

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Every day I find a new reason to be glad I don't live a country completely overtaken by the Deeply Religious [at least not yet]. Remember the newspaper article about the Miss World pageant that sparked riots in Nigeria? Well, now some idiotic deputy who is part of the Nigerian government has condemned the journalist, a woman, to death. You know, because she has offended Allah.

I suppose that the morons who freaked out, began rioting, and killed hundreds of people are completely innocent, right? Entitled to dozens of virgins when they die? Sure.

I'm constantly amazed at what such a deep conviction in religion will produce. I was 17 when the Ayatollah Khomeini issued a fatwa against Salman Rushdie. I really didn't understand why it was necessary then, and it doesn't make any more sense to me now.

I've long thought that the Deeply Religious make shit up as they go along just to keep their followers in line. People want to pretend that it makes perfect sense to stone a woman to death because she had a baby out of wedlock but not punish the man who knocked her up. Legions of people believe in their hearts that one day two people and all the flora and fauna on earth just magically appeared and followed the world of the Christian god ever since, despite evidence to the contrary. Normally rational people refuse to acknowledge that love is love, in whatever form you find it, because their religion prescribes to them what kind of love they can accept in their hearts.

It's fucked up, and it's making me crazy.

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Let the holiday induced, politically correct, work madness ensue!

Every year for the holidays my department decorates. I have this hideous vintage silver foil Christmas tree that has been handed down to me by my grandmother. It's approximately 3 feet tall and is missing the color wheel, which sort of puts a mild damper on viewing it in its full grotesqueness splendor. We put up the tree and decorate the hell out of it with random office supplies and then string cheesy foil garland over every available surface. The word came from on high this year that our display is too Christmas-centric and all decorations must now reside within our individual cubes, not in the common areas.

I wouldn't mind throwing up a menorah and stuff from other religions. I'm not religious at all, so I mostly just like to make this place funny and fun to look at. Have a hanukkah bush hanging around? Sure, we'll put it out. Do you have a special kwanzaa bonsai tree? Fine! But no, can't have that.

Political correctness has now wormed its way into our holiday party. Last week we received an email from the planners of our holiday party. Well, first of all, it is no longer called a "holiday" party because it's not a holiday for everyone. It's called the "Winter Celebration" party. Whatever. But what's even funnier is that they were recruiting people to contribute to their pageant of traditions -- they want someone to give us the low down on what they do for Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Ramadan, and [this is the best] non-practicing. Heh.

I totally want to run into the Human Resources department pretending to have my panties in a bunch and yell, "Hey! I'm pissed! How come you didn't ask for the traditions of Satanists to be included in your little Winter Celebration? I demand that my voice be heard!" And then I'd make up some crazy shit as to what a Satanist might do during Christmas, like the ritual slaying of the goat over the desecrated plastic Baby Jesus, and the symbolic gang rape of the Virgin Mary. But I'd have to present all of this while dressed like Alice Cooper in the 1970's and I'd insist on being able to have a human sacrifice as my finale. Think they'd let me do my presentation? Heh.

Alternatively, I could volunteer to give my spiel about what a non-practicing person does. It mostly revolves around pure greed and picking the best stuff from all the religions. I'd talk about how my husband and I have a rousing debate Christmas Eve about how the Bible is basically bullshit and then I'd sing the South Park song about being Jewish: "I would be happy, but I'm Hebrew."

It doesn't quite seem as splashy as pretending to be a Satan-worshipping heathen, does it?

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BeerMary asked a week or two ago what it is about me that attracts ghosts. I don't really know the answer to that. I just think some people can see and sense spirits and some people can't. Maybe some people are just more open to the idea.

I've heard speculation that some hauntings are nothing more than a psychic impression left on the fabric of time. I've read that some scientists just believe people who see ghosts are sick in the head. I don't know what the answers are, but I don't think I have something wrong with me.

Even though I see ghosts/spirits/souls fairly regularly, I don't see every single one and I don't see them the same as other people might. My friend Brooke is able to see ghosts, but when we see the same one it looks different to her. She sees them a lot more clearly than I do. I don't know what that means.

You might know that I don't believe in God. I don't really believe in heaven or hell, although I do believe in a life after death. But I do believe in the soul. We know that energy can't be created or destroyed, and so I believe in the idea of reincarnation. I believe that it's a natural occurence, not controlled by any overseeing power or entity. Maybe ghosts are just souls that haven't been reincarnated yet.

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I am quite frightened by the Deeply Religious. In fact, they give me the wiggens.

Normal religious folk don't scare me. You know, they believe in whatever god[dess]/higher power and they go to church [or not] and they're happy with their lives and comfortable with their faith.

I have a theory that the Deeply Religious are miserable. They cling to religion like a life jacket, and think they're going to make points with whatever god they believe in by spreading the Word. And, you know, with extra points comes happiness. But the Deeply Religious never get happy, so they continue to do crazy ass shit in the name of their god.

The thing that pisses me off the most about the Deeply Religious is their capacity for hate. In most cases the Deeply Religious consider themselves to be better than another group of people. They think they're living their lives better, or they think the group of people beneath them are living sinfully.

I was reading some woman's journal a few weeks ago, and she was talking about reading journals. Particularly two journals -- one belonged to a lesbian and the other belonged to man practicing Wicca. She went on and on about how guilty she felt for reading them after she discovered their terrible secret [even though both journals were well-written and interesting] because "God hates that sort of thing."

Ahem.

After 15 minutes of trying to control myself, I left a note in her comments section saying that, despite the fact that my officially sanctioned Christian religious training only extended to the age of 12, I was under the impression that god didn't hate anyone. In fact, I seem to remember something about god being love. I don't know why I bothered, because the Deeply Religious can always rationalize their beliefs and find support for their fucked up ideas by twisting the teachings of the Bible, Koran, etc.

Those fucktards [™ BeerMary] over at godhatesfags.com [although I hear the site no longer exists] are a prime example of the Deeply Religious spreading hate. Fred Phelps doesn't spread the word of god, he spreads his own fucked up propaganda to people too scared not to believe it.

Aside from all the absolutely bizarre rhetoric about god hating homosexuality, there is also the crazy notion that it's OK to kill in the name of your god. In fact, killing someone who does something that god hates [do we see a theme?] will earn you those extra points I talked about earlier.

I have no problem with people who are pro life. But don't try to force your views down my throat. I'm radically pro choice even though I doubt I would choose to have an abortion. Many of the Deeply Religious think it's perfectly acceptable [and expected of them] to defend the right to life at any price.

Let's not forget organizations like the Klan, who think their god has decreed that the only good person is a white Christian person. Again, with the spreading of hate. My personal favorite are the Deeply Religious who consider women to be the root of all evil in the world. Many of the Deeply Religious think it's OK to maim, kill, and rape women and girls in the name of their god.

The Deeply Religious are, in part, why I am not a religious person. They give all religions a bad name. I don't need to be saved, or born again, or converted, or anything like that -- I'm perfectly happy with my lack of religious faith.

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I believe wholeheartedly in freedom of religion or freedom from religion. And I believe that if you want to worship Satan, it's well within your rights.

Most people who condemn Satanism don't know much about it. If you're a Christian then Satanism must automatically be bad, because worshipping the devil can't be good. I've always been really curious about religion, and so I have researched Satanism. The Satanic Bible by Anton LaVey is currently on my bookshelf, next to the Koran, the Bible, and a book about asian religions.

It isn't popular for me to say this, but I can completely understand why people are drawn to Satanism. Some person looking for the meaning of life reads The Satanic Bible and reads about how it's OK to kill someone for raping your child or murdering your mother. On paper, Satanism makes sense.

The problem with the whole deal is that on occasion you may be expected to perform a human sacrifice. Oh, and if you worship Satan you'll have to go to hell. Reading Necrinomicon makes it seem not so attractive.

I'm not such a big fan of organized religion of any sort. I was raised Methodist, baptized, went to vacation bible school, etc. But I just don't blindly believe that there is a god, and I certainly don't believe in Original Sin or any of that crap. To read the bible, women are the reason for all of the bad things in the world. I don't accept that.

My own beliefs are pretty simple. I believe in nature and evolution. I believe in the concept of a soul and reincarnation, but I don't believe the whole thing is directed by some unseen force. I obviously believe in ghosts. I believe in being moral and being true to myself. I see religion as a way shift the blame away from myself if something goes wrong.

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I can barely believe my ears. I'm listening to the news right now -- some idiots religious zealots in New Jersey have filed a lawsuit to stop schools from teaching evolution. Instead they want creationism taught.

I understand that this is probably a "take that" reactionary type of thing in response to the lawsuit regarding the Pledge of Allegiance. I have to wonder how many of the people behind the lawsuit believe, without doubt, that creationism is the final word in how we all came to be here. As much as I hate to acknowledge them, I know there are many people who completely disregard the scientific evidence that proves evolution.

Obviously, I am a girl of science [for the most part]. I really don't believe in [any form of] god, and I am completely against organized religion. But I was raised to believe in god and I attended a Methodist church every Sunday until I was about 13, and did the summer vacation bible school thing every summer until I was 10. I never gave the idea of religious choice a great deal of thought until I turned 13, although I don't have a clear recollection of what made me question it.

I hate it when people make a choice without knowing the full details of something. So beginning when I was 13 I started researching religions. I even read The Satanic Bible because I wanted to be thorough. So I know the basic tenets of the majority of world religions. I even took a class in asian religions when I was in college -- I want to be able to say that I've made a choice based on knowledge, not tradition.

I fully admit that knowing what I know has made me question religion even more. Most religions are hell bent on the idea that their religion is the one true religion, and everyone else is worshipping the wrong the thing. If there was really a "one true god," I strongly suspect that there would be only one religion. One could counter with the idea of free will. But I need tangible evidence before I will commit my faith to something or someone...and so far, I haven't seen anything like that.

People have countered my argument with the idea of nature. Where do I think we came from, they ask. And how did the amoeba know to grow into a fish, etc.? And they are firmly married to the idea of god's hand setting things in motion. I will admit that Christian creationism and evolution can both be believed in without compromising the ideals of the other. After all, the book of Genesis doesn't say how long each official day was....you could take it with a grain of evolutionary salt and say that each day was millions of years long. You could say that god had a hand in encouraging single-celled organisms to multiply. I can see how you can reconcile one to fit in with the other. What I can't see is completely negating the overwhelming evidence of evolution in favor of a purely creationism view.

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I just got back from a really long 3 hour meeting and my brain is completely fried. Why oh why do employers force their employees to sit around listening to stuff that could just be gleaned from a memo?

Sitting in a meeting for longer than 20 minutes is ultimate torture for me. I'm fidgety by nature, but coerced into forced captivity while people throw useless facts at me is just not good. I start to nod off, drool a little, and end up slithering off my chair in a fit of dozing. It's embarrassing.

Craig and I have been debating the whole issue of declaring the Pledge of Allegiance unconstitutional. Craig thinks it's ridiculous for the courts to get involved with stuff like this -- recently we had this same argument over a courthouse with a plaque listing the 10 Commandments [the court ruled the plaque would have to be removed]. He believes that the guy who filed the lawsuit is full of shit -- that he did it for the publicity, not to actually fix anything. He also believes that if you don't believe in god, refusing to say the Pledge is a valid option and one that should be exercised. But the heart of Craig's argument is that being taught the Pledge teaches patriotism.

I would like to know how teaching a kindergarten student to recite the Pledge teaches patriotism. I didn't know what the Pledge of Allegiance even was until I was in junior high school. Most schools teach the Pledge, but neglect to explain the importance behind it. But that's not really what's being debated: it's the reference to god.

This morning on the news I saw an interview with the man who filed the lawsuit. He had a very valid point that I believe speaks to the true nature of the lawsuit: if the Pledge said "One nation under Allah" or "One nation under Buddha" you can bet that Christians in this country would certainly be making a big stink about it.

Craig, as I noted, believes that refusing to say the Pledge is the way to go if you don't believe in god. He obviously didn't go to my high school -- you faced detention if you didn't participate. The phrase "under god" was added in 1954 -- if so many people are freaked out by the Pledge being declared unconstitutional, why doesn't Congress just delete the phrase? That would solve the entire issue.

What really has pissed me off is Bush's comments about the situation. The ruling isn't "out of step" with the way people feel -- the ruling isn't consistent with his own ideology. I don't think he realizes that there is a pretty big faction of non-Christians in this country. I just wrote him an email about it, reminding him that millions of non-Christian voters are perceiving him as anti-diversity and anti-religious freedom. I doubt it will do any good.

I'm not religious, so why should I have to acknowledge a god I don't believe in? This country was founded on and for the idea of religious freedom and tolerance. Many people seem to assume that it's OK for me to tolerate their religious beliefs, but don't tolerate mine. Where is my religious freedom?

If the U.S. is a true melting pot of ethnicities and religions then why is it OK to mandate one religion?

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So I was bitching and complaining to Renee over the weekend about people who do missionary work. We got on the subject of the two missionaries kidnapped in the Phillipines. Renee is not typically religious -- she isn't apt to try to push her beliefs on anyone, or condemn anyone for not believing in what she believes in. But she did at one time get sucked in to a cult-like church, and she is currently regularly attending a youth-oriented church. And that's fine....she needs religion in her life and that's OK.

Anyway, I have this long-standing belief that missionary work is hypocritical. It is all based on the belief that you are better than someone else, that your religion is the only religion, and that you are fabulous enough to have the authority to tell people how they ought to live their lives. I can't speak to non-Christian religions, but if you're a Christian you are taught tolerance....do unto your neighbor as you would have done unto you, and all that type of stuff. So missionary work basically goes completely against that principle.

Pretty much everyone in the world universally hates to see a Mormon or a Jehovah's Witness show up at their door...in my neighborhood they come in families...you know, with little kids, so it makes you feel bad to slam the door in their face. I used to answer the door in nothing but a towel when I could see them coming down the street -- nothing sends a Mormon or a Witness packing faster than a half naked woman. Even people who do missionary work think Mormons and Witnesses are full of crap....so why would they do the same thing to other people?

Really, it's insanity.

But I digress. These two people get kidnapped while doing missionary work and then expect the U.S. government to do whatever it takes to get them out. Yes, I feel bad that anyone had to die. However, missionary work is not sanctioned by the U.S. government, and the government should have nothing to do with that type of thing.

Last night on Dateline there was a news story about the two Americans held by the Taliban for doing missionary work in Afghanistan. The two women have long insisted that they were there for reasons of "humanitarian aid," but now they fully admit that they were there specifically to "spread the word of god." OK, so let's review -- Taliban and friends fly planes into the WTC and Pentagon based on their extremist faith in Islam, and these two think that they can just go to Afghanistan and convert the masses? And then fully expect the U.S. government to get them out of the mess they've created?

I used to work with a girl named EJ. EJ was ultra-religious and very involved with her church. Once every year she and her youth group would go to somewhere in Central America and do missionary work. I tried to reason with EJ once....I asked her why she thought she was so much better than the people of Guatemala (or whereever she was going)....and if she really thought that she was morally superior to them. She kind of got angry that I questioned her, but didn't really have an answer.

The two U.S. missionaries captured in Afghanistan said that they did it because if the poor misguided people of Afghanistan weren't convered they wouldn't go to heaven.

Um hmmmm....because that's not lunacy.

If I continue this little rant it may go on for eternity, sooo.........

Philadelphia lacks a radio station that just plays Motown type music from the '60s and '70s. Today that is exactly what I want to listen to, and I forgot to bring some CDs with me to work. I want me some Marvin Gaye....or Barry White....or the Temptations. So what is a girl to do?

I feel suspiciously apathetic today. One can only speculate on how little work I will actually do today.